Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize