Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
