I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
