The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
