alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
