so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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