If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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