when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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