i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize