Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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