I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
