On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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