We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
