are you so shy because you have an std?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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