i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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