After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
