Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
