I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
