meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
