sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
