you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
