Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it because I queefed?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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