forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
