every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize