I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
