Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
