Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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