I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
