I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
