hotel room ftw
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
