Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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