I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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