Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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