The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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