no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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