Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is the high leading the old right now
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
