My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
