did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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