I love black thongs
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
