Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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