do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I need water and some morals
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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