Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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