her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
