The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
