Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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