non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
