I think my fart just growled at me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
