Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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