allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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