Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
