oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize