Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
