I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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