is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
dude. I can hear the air.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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