Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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