And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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