I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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