I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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