he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize