my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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