we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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