new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
