yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
