never play flip cup with pint glasses
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
third nipple confirmed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
