false alarm. still invincible.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
