i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
