Nicole vs. Life
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
