Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
whose parrot is this?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
