every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
