I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
