I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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