We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
